Holiday Schedule For A CounterClkWise World

As a revolutionary traditionalist, I propose to revamp the holiday schedule to conform to our secular, leisure-driven lifestyles. As a restive shut-in as is typical in our modern age, I’d prefer holidays to be organized around modern notions of leisure time, as opposed to the needs of the agricultural calendar. So without further ado, here are the proposed holidays for the CounterClckWise world:

Super Bowl Sunday—Scream, gamble, and get good n’ hammered. It's a great day to be in the sports book of a Vegas casino
George Washington’s Birthday— Take a day to teach the youth about his greatness, drink some corn
White Rose Day—Sophie and Hans Scholl and Christopher Probst deserve their own special day. "Es lebe die Freiheit!" (Long live freedom!)
Beltane—Celebrate the end of winter by getting roaring drunk
Patriot’s Day— On April 19th, we shoot our guns, damn the monarchy, and drink whisky
Kentucky Derby Day—Head to Louisville, wear a straw hat, gamble and drink mint juleps
Fortuna's Day—June 11 is holy to Fortuna, but no you don't get a day off of work. Save it up for Fors Fortuna, you impious heathens! A sacrifice to her (such as a straddle in front of the blind) is necessary
Summer Solstice—The longest day of the year. Worship the sun and chase each drink with a glass of water. The party goes on until...
Fors Fortuna—The great festival to celebrate our patron Goddess. If you don't already live in Vegas, come 'n visit! It's like Mecca for Fortuna worshipers. I guess that would make Wall Street our Jerusalem
Independence Day—Fireworks, barbeque, a reading of the Declaration of Independence, drinkin’
The All-Star break—A holy experience where we watch the game, laugh a lot, and drink good beer
Talk Like a Pirate Day—ARRRR! Pass the rum, matey!
Fall Equinox—Like Labor Day, this one’s pretty much an excuse for a tipsy three-day weekend
The World Series—Hopefully, it goes seven games. Maybe we should make that mandatory. Again, beer is the preferred option
Halloween—Nothing like a shot or two of rye to keep you warm before the costume party
Thanksgiving—Yay for family, food, and wine! And football
Yule—a week-long festival over the Winter Solstice where we sacrifice a horse to Odin, burn some logs, exchange presents, and get pukin’ drunk. By Fortuna's favor, it almost always falls in the week where the Mass Culture is celebrating Christ Mass and New Year (Gregorian, Revised)