Keven DePew's Five Things You Need to Know is one of the funniest columns on the Web. I don't know how he can shovel that much snark every market day. Today's opener:

Fannie Mae this morning reported a wider loss than many analysts estimated, cut its dividend to 25 cents a share and said it will raise $6 billion in capital before it eventually burns to the ground while the Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight plays a fiddle.

Guess that about sums it up...